When You're The One Holding it Together

Who Do You Lean On?

If you’re the person everyone leans on—emotionally, practically, or spiritually—you may find yourself wondering, when is it my turn to be held?

Many of the clients I work with describe this pattern: they’re the “strong one,” the “rock,” the “fixer.” Friends rely on them. Family members vent to them. Co-workers count on them to stay calm when things get chaotic.

But that strength didn’t come from nowhere. It came from your childhood.

For adult children of emotionally immature, addicted, or unavailable parents, being the stable one was never a choice—it was a survival strategy. You may have had to grow up too soon, becoming the emotional regulator for your household before you even understood your own feelings. Maybe you learned to scan every room for danger, anticipate needs before they were spoken, and suppress your emotions so you wouldn’t be seen as “too much.”

You learned how to hold it together—because falling apart didn’t feel like an option.

And while that strategy may have helped you survive, it can become exhausting in adulthood. You might find it difficult to ask for help, to rest without guilt, or to stop over-functioning in relationships that leave you depleted. You may not even know what your needs are, let alone how to express them.

Here’s what I want you to know: Holding it together doesn’t mean you’re okay.And asking for help doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

In therapy, we begin to gently explore how these childhood patterns still shape your current relationships and emotional responses. We’ll look at the parts of you that had to grow up too fast, and begin to offer those parts the compassion they never received. Together, we build new ways of being—ones that make space for your feelings, your boundaries, and your rest.

You’re allowed to let go of the role of caretaker. You’re allowed to be the one who receives.

You don’t have to earn your healing through perfection or performance.

This is your space to be held.