“You’re Not ‘Too Much’—You Were Just Given Too Little”

Too Much

If you’ve ever been told you're too sensitive, too intense, too emotional, or just too much—you may have started to believe it.

You may even find yourself trying to shrink. To make yourself easier to love. To speak more softly, feel less deeply, or demand less space. And yet, no matter how hard you try, it still feels like your needs are too big for other people to hold.

Here’s a reframe I offer to many of my clients:

You’re not too much. You were simply given too little.

The Root Often Starts in Childhood

Many adult clients I work with—especially those from emotionally unavailable or chaotic family systems—learned early that having needs wasn’t safe.

• Maybe your emotions were dismissed or punished.

• Maybe your achievements were the only thing that got you attention.

• Maybe no one ever asked how you were doing.

As a child, this can be deeply confusing. You internalize the belief that your emotional experiences are a problem—or worse, a burden. So you adapt. You become self-reliant, overly responsible, or emotionally numb. You begin to anticipate what others want before they ask. You give more than you have. You make yourself useful so that maybe—just maybe—you’ll be seen as lovable.

Fast-forward to adulthood, and those same patterns show up in your relationships: You may over-function. You may stay silent to avoid conflict. You may struggle to accept love unless it’s earned through self-sacrifice.

And when someone finally tells you that you’re too much, it activates every unhealed place that once felt invisible.

Therapy is Where You Get to Be Whole—Without Shrinking

In therapy, we start to unravel those messages.

We ask: Who told you you were too much?And: What would happen if you believed you were worthy exactly as you are?

We create space for your feelings—messy, complex, and real.

We learn how to build relationships where your needs aren’t minimized, but honored.

This isn’t about blaming your past.It’s about understanding how you’ve been shaped—and giving you the tools to reshape your future with more compassion, agency, and clarity.

You don’t have to over-give to be loved.You don’t have to shrink to fit someone else’s comfort zone.You get to be whole here.